The Optimystic Remembers His Father

On this day, eleven years ago, one of my favorite human beings...my father...left his human experience. There is no way to overstate the impact, that this man had on me. Here is a man, who didn't wait for life to be fulfilling, or be good to him. Instead, he chose to fill his own life, with such goodness, that it spilled over, into other people's lives.

From him, I learned that men can be masculine without having to be macho. I learned about generosity, gentleness, true strength, understanding, humility, and kindness.

In one of the most profound moments, of my entire life, he said to me (about thirteen years old), "Patrick, it is far greater to be kind, than to be right!"

He said this to a boy, who had taken refuge in his IQ, and had become a little of a know-it-all. He said it, without judgment, and without any meanness. He said it (in a very meta moment), with a great deal of kindness...and a hint of Fatherly sternness. It was the perfect mix, and underlay the wisdom that I would come to appreciate later...blessedly, while he was still alive.

There were lots of other moments, like this. If I go back, a little further, I remember a moment, playing baseball. I was young. Maybe eight. Maybe nine. I got nailed, right in the kisser. It split both lips, and hurt very badly. To top it all off, I was, let's say, a very sensitive little boy. I cried, almost instantly. It is not easy to be a boy, crying in front of others, and not able to stop crying...it can make folks uncomfortable.

In the middle of all the "buck up"s and "shake it off"s (all well-intentioned), I watched my father, through my tears, run up to me, kneel down, and say, "Look right here. Listen only to me." He wiped away my tears, and the blood, with his t-shirt, and said, "Listen to me, listen to me." (So gentle...a kind of sotto voce.) "Listen...It is always, ALWAYS, ok for boys to cry. Do you understand me?"

I nodded my head, and he took me inside to put ice on my lips, and we never again spoke of my crying. He simply looked at me, after the bleeding had stopped, and said, "Do you want to take it easy, or go back outside?"

In that moment, I felt like a man. He hadn't just comforted me. He had taught me quiet strength. He had taught me to not care what anyone else thought...by showing me. I had my dignity. He hadn't given it to me. He made sure that I felt it, through the whole experience. It was, as you can tell, a seminal moment, in my early life, and one that informed many later decisions.

There are other moments. We all have them with those important people of our lives. On this day, I am not sad for the times that I did not have, with him. I am so very blessed, for the moments, that I did. He is, in the story of Patrick Sterenchuk, one of my favorite characters. A person, unto himself, AND an incredible model, of how one life can really shine.

Thank you, for letting me share these two wonderful memories, with all of you. I am blessed, by your presence, in my life. Be well, and know joy. This is not a privilege, it is not your birthright. It is something far grander. It is who you really are. Blessings!